You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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