Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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