i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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