I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
