If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
