When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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