I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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