Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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