Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
