4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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