Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
