TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
