I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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