You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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