she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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