I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize