you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
