Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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