My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
