Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
