best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
