I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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