if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Even my vagina gasped.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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