I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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