Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
