He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
