NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
