the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
