im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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