He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
