I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
