Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
