sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
