did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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