I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
