you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
