Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Even my vagina gasped.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize