Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
