I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
