There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
