In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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