the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
