She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
