Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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