i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize