Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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