Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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