this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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