True but thats because hes a fetus.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
