This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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