I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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