She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
