girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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