Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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