1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize