Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
