it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
