i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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