my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
