i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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