i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
no, he came in my armpit
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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