new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
