I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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