those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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