I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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