I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the condom got lost in my hair
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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