And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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